Boxes

Looking for a job in this economy is brutal. Everyone seems to know it, but everyone still seems to be chugging along trying to land a job. I, for one, am sick of filling out forms and checking boxes.

You know the boxes.

The one that asks you to check what nationality/race are you. Check a box, any box. Now, I don't know about you, but I hate this section.

I've come to the conclusion that since it is voluntary, I just don't check a box at all.

A few weeks ago, I submitted my resume to a company and a lady from human resources contacted me, requesting that I come in for stage one of their hiring process: testing. She left a polite voice message asking to speak with "Mr. Mariko," and I just laughed! Hope they weren't expecting to hire a man for this job, because they were in for a huge disappointment! Plus, my name is loaded with so many expectations: "Mariko." Sounds Japanese, right? So, I must be Japanese, right? To some people, I even look Japanese--even before they hear my name, they think I'm Japanese.

Wrong.

I am not Japanese. I was born in Korea. That's what I can say, I was born in Korea. I was raised in California, and to most people I appear to be some kind of "typical California girl," whatever that means (but that's what I've been told)!

When I came to California, my parents did not know what to name me, so they asked one of their friends for help. He told them that I looked like a "Mariko," and they liked the sound of that, so that's how I ended up with a Japanese name. My name has always created massive confusion and requires constant correction with pronunciation--in the end, it has always made me stand out like a sore thumb (excuse the cliche, but it's appropriate). So now, I just go by Mar. It's easier for everyone.

So back to those boxes...

One of the most short-sighted, crazy and insensitive things that anyone has said to me about those dreaded boxes actually came from the mouth of my father. Out of the blue one day, he said to me that when I was applying to colleges, he just assumed that I'd check the box next to "White/Caucasian." Now, imagine that! My own dad thought that I thought of myself as "White/Caucasian" enough to check that box on an application? At that moment, I was literally out of words--I was thrown into a really dark place and let's just say I didn't even have a flashlight or a match to light any sort of pathway out of there. I could not believe that he had the nerve to say that, and it made me realize that he did not know me at all. To call it strange would be an understatement, and to this day, I have not been able to put into words how that made me feel. I can say with absolute certainty, that I would NEVER, EVER check that box on a form!

Thinking back to those college applications, I checked the box for "Korean," actually (I wasn't in the "leave-it-blank" mode, yet). The box that I really wanted to check was, "Other." Or, rather, I'd like to invent a box that says, "Nothing." I'm nothing. I'm just a person. I'm a who and not a what.