Police Investigate U.S. Adoptive Mom (video)
According to The New York Times, Tory Ann Hansen wrote: “After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child.”
This international story demands attention. I cannot begin to express the outrage and utter disgust I feel towards this so-called adoptive "mom" for returning her adopted son to Russia. How dare she put an 8 year old child on an airplane all by himself with a NOTE attached, indicating the reasons for returning him!!! I cannot believe people these days. Who in their right mind would even THINK about
RETURNING A CHILD!!!! She "no longer wish[es] to parent this child"?
This incident is a prime example of how some people adopt for the WRONG reasons. Her reasons were selfish; she wanted a perfectly well behaved child, etc. Ummmm...then she throws the blame on the adoptive agency as though it did not make a "disclaimer" that this child might have some psychological issues. If you ask me, the adoptive mother is the one with issues. She never should have adopted in the first place because she wanted a conditional adoption (i.e., if it doesn't work out, then just return the little boy back to Russia). That is the sickest attitude to have when entering into an adoption, if you ask me. There is no "return" policy for adoption. If someone feels compelled to adopt, it should not be for selfish reasons (i.e., to get something out of it, love, for instance, or to fulfill some societal expectation to have children. The adoptive family has to be prepared for the possibility that the child may not love them at all or ever. And that
has to be okay with them. They have to be ready for that. It is not the adopted child's CHOICE to be adopted. The adoptive family has to understand that. What the adoptive family needs to realize is that the child needs love, pure, unconditional love, more than anything else). This adoptive mother should have sought help for the child if she felt that he required psychological attention. Her actions are inexcusable.
What's more is that since this is an unprecedented incident, the authorities are clueless on how to handle criminal charges against the mother. If she walks away without any charges, I am going to throw up. It is just abhorrent to think that anyone thinks it is okay to return a child, PERIOD. A child is not a like a pair of shoes that can be returned to Macy's if they don't fit at home. Good grief, we are talking about a child, a child who has already been abandoned before!
Gosh, I could go on an on about this, it is just so disturbing...I can imagine a lot of people siding with the mother in this case too, which is even more disturbing. Those people are the people who do not understand the gravity of this situation and they are basing their decision on the child's reported behavior, thereby justifying the mother's decision to return the child. Well, just as in any legal transaction, an adoption stipulates that the party involved agrees to take full responsibility to care for and raise the adopted child. It is a legally binding contract, in essence.
It's when I hear stories like this that I just wish some people would think first before adopting and examine the true reasons they are adopting. This adoptive mother obviously did not realize that having a child requires some work, a ton of patience and immeasurable amounts of unconditional love, help and support. If that adoptive mother thought her adopted son had psychological issues before, wait until he grows up--she just added a ton of emotional trauma to his psyche. But what does she care? In her mind, adoption is not permanent and she obviously felt like she could abandon him when things weren't going the way she envisioned. Sick, just absolutely sick. I don't know how she got clearance to adopt in the first place. This just begs the question: What would she have done if she actually gave birth to this boy? Put him out with the curbside trash on trash day? Drop him off at the local fire station? I guess in her mind, she felt that adoption is reversible: no blood-relation means no obligation, no responsibility, no family, no humanity, just a conditional transaction.
Bottom line: What this adoptive mother did is atrocious--she actualized the fear of
EVERY adopted child, a deep-seeded fear of being abandoned again and being rejected, or in this case, returned by the adoptive family.
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